When We Got the Call to Move Abroad

8 Practices to Manage Your Emotions with the Unknown

When my husband called to tell me he had been fired, I was looking at the Sleep Beauty Castle with my daughters dressed as the Little Mermaids. I was holidaying at Disney World with my mother, grandmother, and daughters. It was 2008.

After ten years working for this company, they let him go due to the economic crisis. I wasn’t working because I had decided to take some time off to raise my daughters, who were just four and one years old. I was starting this small Gift Hampers and Candy Bouquets business and had no significant income there.

My mother and grandmother cried like it was the end for us. They were all worried about the new house we had just bought, the expensive school tuition for my eldest daughter, and everything else.  I told them to calm down and not despair. Once I return home, I will start looking for a job, and my husband will find one, too.

“Some news changes the path in your life forever. It could be good or bad news, but it will move you in another direction. Now, how are you going to deal with that?”

He applied everywhere, and I did, too. He was working for a multinational company, so he had a better chance of getting a job overseas, and he did.  We were always open to the option of living abroad. The 21st job application was in Dubai. I didn’t know he applied even there.

After a month or so, he got a call on a Sunday at 3 a.m. for a job interview.  While listening to him answer the questions, I couldn’t calculate the time difference because it was still a Sunday in China. Little did I know that in the Arab world, the working week starts on a Sunday.

Besides a recent TV documentary about the Burj al-Arab, I knew little about Dubai. The following day, I started researching the city to find out where it was located and if I had to learn Arabic to communicate there.

“To be open to possibilities is an attitude. They don’t come to you if you are not ready to see them elsewhere.” 

After a week, my husband got the job offer, and a month later, he was travelling to Dubai to start a new job. I stayed in Ecuador, preparing everything for my departure. My main concern was to find a good school for my daughters, a place where they could learn English because, in Ecuador, we speak Spanish. Also, I was looking for information about the lifestyle, culture, and ways of living in this Arab country. It was a place so far, and I knew so little. It was the 2000’s decade after 9/11. So, what we learned in my country was what the Western news tells you.  I wanted to ensure it was safe, my daughters and I, as women, would be respected, and we would improve our lifestyle. Still, the job opportunity was considerably good.

“Find out more about this new possibility, learn, dream, and imagine it. It might not prepare you for all what’s coming, but it will give you a perspective that it can be doable.”

There was a moment when I felt that with all the anticipation, preparing and being knowledgeable wasn’t enough. All my fears couldn’t be foreseeable. So, I kept a positive attitude and jumped into the new adventure. Once there, I will see how it will be for real.

In March 2009, my family and I took a plane to Dubai. I left my mom, grandmother, relatives, and friends. I left my country, which had been my home since I was born. I left a piece of my heart because you never leave entirely.

“Leaving behind the people you love is hard. Still, we can embrace the new development in our lives with faith.”

Today, March 21st marks 15 years since I came to live in this beautiful city. My eldest daughter is studying at a university in Canada, and my youngest will leave the nest in September to study in the United Kingdom. Now is the time for them to have their experiences abroad.

Did we have some hardships? Sure, we did. Did we overcome them? Yes, we did. I will tell them another time.

This is me and my youngest daughter on the plane, travelling to our new host city, Dubai (March 2008)

How do you manage your emotions?

Let’s face it: moving abroad is a rollercoaster of emotions, even when you are a seasoned expat, besides the technicalities like documents to put in order, visas to apply, researching schools, house hunting, selling belongings and all of that. We cannot deny the stress surrounding every moment we go into it.  The anticipation is tremendous. We don’t know how it’s going to be. We are excited and fearful at the same time.  We can imagine the best experience of our lives to come, but we also somehow regret leaving the familiarity, the people we love, and the place we have called home for all this time.

Writing the previous paragraph made my heart skip a beat or two. The mix of feelings between anxiety and excitement is visceral. Sometimes, you clench, and in others, you feel an expansion. So how do I manage all this:

1.       Embrace Change

This is the first step when changes are coming. By nature, we prefer that everything stays the way it is. We are so immersed in ourselves that we don’t stop to see that everything changes, even us. So, acknowledge that changes are happening. It’s better to go with the flow of changes than resist them. Embracing changes means adding them to our routine and making them new.

2.       Acknowledge your Feelings

Create the space to recognize your feelings. You can be afraid of what the future will hold, even when, deep in your heart, you grant it’s a great opportunity. You know that you will miss the people you love the most. You must be ready with many things; they don’t develop as fast as you want. You feel that there is not enough planning to be prepared. You will lose familiarity.  All these are emotions and feelings, and you must give them space. I suggest writing a journal or talking to someone who will listen actively and whom you trust.

3.       Research

You need to know at least something. So, researching about this new place that will be your new home is one way to reduce the anxiety of not knowing. I want you to be cautious here. Researching a country is not like looking for ratings and comments on Yelp.  As always, some people are happy, and some aren’t. And to believe that will be the same for you is not the approach.  Look for the general first, then what you can find that fits your needs. 

Are there groups that can support me, or do they have the same interests as I do? Can I connect with other people who already live there? Someone from my country, a friend of a friend.

4.       Planning

I love planning; it’s my way of coping with anxiety and overthinking. I need to put what I should do and when on paper. I am a scenario player and believe me; I overthink a lot. I’m proud of my planning skills, but not so proud of my tendency to overthink.

One of the best ways to reduce stress and anxiety is to plan. Plan things to do and when they should be done. There is no planning without flexibility in business, project management and operations. So be flexible, give them more time than you think and a “that’s it, no more time”.

5.       Seek for the Commonalities

This is a lovely way to compare yourself with others instead of looking for what they have and what you don’t. I always look for what I have and what they have, too. Here is an example:

I will become an expat. I will find expats there, too.

I’m a mom of 2 kids in school age. I will discover moms, too.

I’m Latina so that I will find Latinas, too.

I will have to learn the language, and there will be people who will learn the same language, too.

In this journey, we sometimes feel alone, but we are not alone. My suggestion is to seek the commonalities in everything around your life.

6.       Connect and Stay Connected

When we moved to Dubai, Facebook was a new thing.  I looked for these groups: Ecuadorians and Latins in Dubai. I found my now dearest friend Gabi in one of these groups. I decided to write to her weeks before my arrival. What made me do it? Commonality. She was a friend of a friend from university.  I introduced myself in a message and told her that I would love to meet her. She responded immediately, telling me she was looking forward to meeting me. This first connection opened the doors for a whole network of people who became terrific friends, and now I can call them my family.  Reach out for connection. Expats are longing for connection.

Stay connected with the family and friends you love the most in your soon-to-be former home. Things will undoubtedly change, but that familiarity will never fade if you keep communicating with them.

7.       Practice Self-Care

Really? Yes, really! The best way to manage stress is to take care of yourself. Sleep well, eat healthy and on schedule, take time off, meditate, or go for a walk. There are many online pages about self-care; feel free to explore them. Why? You will feel the benefits in your decision-making, mood, and ability to respond, and it will give you time to be reflective, calm, and grateful.

8.       Seek for Support

You are transitioning, so don’t do it alone. Lean on your family, friends, a counsellor or coach.  Take this journey with people who listen to and empathise with you. With people who can provide guidance or advice.  Look for online or offline support and community groups.  This will help you feel understood, cope with your emotions, and let it out.

I hope this will help you.

Love,    

Ivette