Permission

"Unwrap the joy of a gift meant only for you."

Once a week I participate in observed coaching sessions. Many coaches gather and we have a session. One acts as a coach, the other as a coachee. In these sessions, we detect different distinctions; we work on active listening and observe body language and emotions in the language. It’s pure practice. After the session, we give feedback, but the most important thing is to keep opening new possibilities for the coachee.

As you can see, it is therapeutic. Conversations are therapeutic.

In this practice, we don't talk about a big issue. It's mostly about our day by day. Something that didn't work as we wanted or a situation, just anything that comes to our minds.

I was the coachee this time, so I talked about a trip I will have this summer.

Daughter two is going for a 2-week summer program in the U.K. My husband sold me the idea to travel with her and drop her at the campus in Oxford. While she is in her summer camp, I will be in London for the meantime at a friend's house.

I immediately answered yes. I love travelling. I’m profoundly passionate about travelling. So for me, this is a treat. Then it dawns on me; daughter one is coming from Canada after six months of university for the summer. She is staying with us in Dubai. She will remain from mid-June to mid-September. And I dared to ask my husband if she could accompany me too.

My husband said that it wouldn’t be possible. If the 3 of us are going to the UK, we cannot afford to go as a whole family to Ecuador later in the summer. I understood his reasoning. It’s not that we cannot afford it; it’s more about being careful with our savings.

I told him. I don’t know if I can go leaving behind my daughter 1. I love both my daughters.

Daughter 2 is still a minor and needs to be taken from one place to the other. Maybe she can go alone, but for our peace of mind, it is much better to take her. Daughter 1 is only here for the summer, and I want to enjoy with her all of it. So, here I am. I want to take my daughter 1 with me because if not, she will miss the trip.

One of the questions was if, somehow, I felt guilty. I said no. I consider myself a good mother. I raised my daughters to be independent and emotionally strong. Daughter 1 is independent; she has friends in Dubai, will enjoy herself with her father, and will have my car available. It’s only 16 days, and we'll be together for the rest of the summer, including the trip to Ecuador, but I also want her to have the London experience.

It’s like; I have this delicious big piece of cake I want to eat. It’s my cake; no one is questioning that. I know I can eat it all, and it will be exquisite, and after eating it, I will say what a fantastic cake I had. The trip makes me sparkle with joy; that’s my cake. Then, my motherly side says, daughter 1 should also have a piece of cake. But I cannot share it. Is it ok not to share it?

In the session, I was asking for permission. To enjoy what I was gifted with without remorse. To enjoy alone. I’m not neglecting. I’m not leaving behind someone I love. I’m just accepting the gift.

I didn’t ask my fellow coaches for permission. I didn’t ask my husband or my daughters for permission. I was asking myself for it.

How often do you give permission to yourself?

1. Permission to make mistakes and embrace the opportunities for growth and learning.

2. Permission to take time for yourself and your mental and physical health. Time to relax and recharge.

3. Permission to try new things and discover new talents and interests. Getting out of your comfort zone.

4. Permission to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. To say no and maintain healthy relationships.

5. Permission to be proud of your accomplishments, big or small.

6. Permission to love, to enjoy.

Now, I will have my big piece of cake, and my invitation is to eat yours.

Love,

Ivette